To the Beat of the Heart
by in48frames
Summary: Carter & Madison post-2x11


**A/N:** _"You can't fic this episode she wasn't even IN it." Watch me. (This is trash and I am trash.) For reference, this takes place directly after 2x11 and has nothing to do with my last fic except that the backstory from it is my headcanon for all Carter/Madison. Ok bye.  
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It's mid-afternoon and Madison and Bird are sprawled across Bird's bed half-asleep when Bird's phone rings with Carter on the ID.

Bird picks it up. "Hey," she says, and then, "Hang on." She hits speaker and puts the phone face-up on the bed between them. "You're on speaker."

There's a pause, and then Carter's voice says, "Who's with you?"

"Mad," Bird says matter-of-factly. "Say hi, Mad."

"Hey," Madison says weakly, and then Bird asks what's up.

"Um," Carter says. "We're at the hospital. Gabe's dad... um, he got shot after Crash's uncle... it's kind of a long story, but Gabe's dad died. Is it okay if we come over? Um, me, Tay, Gabe, Max, and Crash. We can, uh, pick up food... but none of us really wants to go home right now."

Bird and Madison are shocked speechless for a minute or two, and Bird holds up a hand like, _What the hell do I say to that?_

Madison goes for the practical. "Yeah, of course. Should we set up a movie?"

"Or five?" Bird interjects.

Madison adds, "Something funny."

"I don't have any uppers, though," Bird says, completely serious, but it sounds like a joke and Madison makes a face, shushing her.

"Come over," Madison says. "We'll see you soon."

"Yeah, thanks. Bye." Carter hangs up.

"Poor Gabe," Bird says, flopping back on the bed and staring at the ceiling.

"No kidding," Madison murmurs, sliding to the edge of the bed and standing up, then going off to put some real clothes on and brush her teeth. When she comes back out, Bird is up and dressed and tossing pillows around the main room, trying to spread out the pile they usually nestle into together. Madison goes to the kitchen and grabs the tub of drinking glasses and shot glasses, bringing it out to the coffee table before going back for bottles of alcohol and mixers. The alcohol won't likely help the situation, but what else are they gonna do?

When that's done, she drops down onto some cushions and watches Bird set up a stack of movies—Wedding Crashers, The Hangover, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Dodgeball, Anchorman—anything to avoid thinking about it.

A few minutes later, an entire troop of teenagers is approaching the Sanctuary, Gabe in the centre of the pack looking dazed, his eyes red. Carter and a blond kid Madison hasn't met are at the front, carrying bags of take-out. Crash, she assumes. She doesn't expect an introduction, and doesn't get one; Carter spares a split-second glance for her before looking to Bird and asking for plates.

Bird looks to Madison, who heads to the kitchen, feeling... a lot of not-good things. She grabs a stack of paper plates and passes them out while Carter and Bird get the food set up. She saves the last plate for Carter, staring hard at the top of her head while she hands it to her; Carter doesn't look up, says "Thanks" almost inaudibly.

Madison pours herself the first drink.

Taylor and Carter curl up on either side of Gabe on the couch with their plates and drinks. Crash and Max sit awkwardly on the floor, their long limbs not made for it, and Madison takes the opportunity to lean up against Bird as she drinks... and drinks... and drinks.

It's amazing how awkward funny movies are when no one feels comfortable laughing. Even as Madison gets tipsy and then way past tipsy, she has to skip the giggly happy part and go straight to the depressed-as-fuck and brooding part. When she looks at Gabe, she's pretty sure he's in the exact same place, though he's earned it. Then again, he's joining her and Bird in the orphan club, so they could probably all get drunk and depressed together a while from now.

She's been putting it off as long as possible, but her bladder is bursting and it's officially time to "break the seal," so she puts her feet on the floor, then leans over and plants her hands next to them, pushing herself to her feet. She sways in place for a second, eyeing the hallway to the bathroom and trying to plot a path.

Bird says, "You gonna make it?" and Madison gives her a thumbs up, then picks her way across the room, taking one step and pausing until she's balanced on that foot before taking the next step.

When she gets to the hallway she sinks gratefully against the wall, using it to prop her up the rest of the way. She pees for what feels like a full five minutes and then washes her hands and opens the door, only to jerk back slightly when she sees Carter just outside the door.

"Whoa," Madison says, swaying back and having to lean against the sink to stay upright. Carter follows her back into the room and shuts the door, and Madison feels her face morphing into a very _What the fuck are you doing_ expression. "Uh, hi?"

Leaning her back against the door, her eyes on something that isn't Madison's face, Carter says, "You okay?"

Madison makes the OK sign with her fingers, eyes closed against the dizziness and nausea, and says, "Peachy. How 'bout you? Thought up a good lie for that one yet?" Carter shakes her head and starts to turn and Madison says, "Carter, wait."

She does, a quarter turned, one hand against the door and the other dangling at her side.

Searching her addled brain, Madison manages to say, "That's Crash, huh?"

Carter turns the rest of the way back so she's flat against the door, and nods her head low. "It's weird that you hadn't met him."

"Bird filled me in a little," Madison says, twisting the bracelet on her right wrist with her other hand. "I mean... wow. It's a lot."

"Yeah, that's kind of the way my life has been. A lot."

Madison plants her hands on the counter to her sides, leaning forward slightly and staring at the mat that covers the bathroom floor. "You're lucky..." she says. "You have people—" She waves vaguely toward the other room. "—people surrounding you who will stick through the bad stuff." She's horrified to feel the prickle in her nose and eyes that indicates she's about to tear up, and she takes a second, swallowing hard and trying to maintain her composure.

Finally she says it: "You know I would be one of those people, if you'd let me." The tears well up but she rubs at her eyes before they can get anywhere, then turns around to lean in to the mirror and wipe away smudged mascara. She sways too far in and has to brace her left hand against the glass, then bows her head over the sink.

"I need—" she starts to say, too real, too sincere, and she catches herself quick. "I need to get some air. I think I'll go for a walk."

"Not by yourself," Carter says harshly, like a mom, and Madison shrugs one shoulder, reaches past Carter for the door knob.

"Whatever," she mutters. "I'm going." She leans too far, again, she's always going too far, and her shoulder runs softly into Carter's, she inhales reflexively and smells Carter, and it's all she can do not to turn her face into Carter's hair, maybe try to steal a kiss. She's drunk enough to do it, almost. Still, she pauses a moment too long, but then, Carter doesn't move out of the way, either.

Until she does, murmurs "Sorry" and circles around to the far side of the tiny bathroom, and Madison is stuck for another second before she can turn the knob and open the door, walk back down the hallway and straight out the sliding doors.

She hears Bird's voice—"Madison?"—and then Carter's low, "I've got her." Madison is already walking as fast as her numb legs will take her, not waiting for Carter although she hears steps and breaths behind her. At the line where the light from inside ends and darkness begins, Madison bends at the waist to find a good sturdy stick on the ground, and then she continues into the woods, using the stick to keep herself from tripping headfirst to the ground.

She thinks maybe Carter will give up and turn back, but the noises behind her continue, if a bit slowed down. After a while, she comes upon a tiny clearing with a very small amount of diffuse moonlight, and she sits down hard, her legs sprawled out in front of her. This is good. This is fresh air and space and solitude—for one second, when Carter's steps stop too, and then Carter is calling out a soft, "Marco."

Madison almost smiles, hanging her head and closing her eyes and calling back, "Polo." They send it back and forth a handful of times, until Carter steps into the clearing, when by necessity she reaches out to find Madison's head and traces her body to the ground, easing herself down to sit beside her. With her legs crossed, her knees dig into Madison's hip and thigh and Madison reaches out before she can think about moving, one hand on her knee to keep her in place. She closes her eyes again.

"You feel better?" Carter says quietly.

Madison nods. "It's nice out here."

"Kind of creepy."

"You never were that good with the dark," Madison says, almost on a sigh, breathing into the quiet, and then, out of nowhere, "I can't do this without you, Carter."

Dropping her head forward to rest her forehead against Madison's shoulder, her hand seeking out Madison's on her knee and folding around it, Carter says, "What I didn't tell you." She pauses, her hand shifting in Madison's, clasping palm-to-palm, and the words come out slow. "When I went to see Lori. I kept remembering... the good stuff. The stuff I brought with me when I first came here and didn't _want_ to be here. When I talked to her..."

Carter turns her head, resting her cheek on top of Madison's shoulder, and Madison holds tightly to her hand. "I cried. I told her I loved her, that we were a family, that she was my mom. And she told me to get out. Don't get me wrong, I'm not okay with what you did. But maybe I also took that out on you a bit."

Straightening up, Carter looks at Madison like she can see her, and when Madison looks back she finds her eyes have adjusted slightly, and she can see the outline of Carter's face. Without thinking about it, Madison reaches a hand up to grip the side of Carter's neck, her thumb along the line of Carter's jaw, and they stare at one another in the darkness.

"I don't want to do this without you, either," Carter whispers.

Automatically—and as she's saying it she's realizing that she's twice as drunk as when she got up to go to the bathroom, that all the alcohol that was sloshing around in her belly is now in her blood stream—Madison says back, "I'm not drunk enough to kiss you." She sticks her lower lip out in a pout that she's ninety percent sure Carter can't even see and adds, "I don't think I ever will be drunk enough."

Carter tilts her head to the side, her hand coming up to cover Madison's, and they stay like that for a while until Carter sighs and says, "We should go back." She stands easily, and holds out her hand to Madison, who thinks that it is way too likely she'll end up pulling Carter face-down onto the forest floor and waves it away.

Instead, she plants her hands to the side, brings her hundred-pound feet close to her butt, and then pushes off her hands with all her might. She wobbles on her feet briefly, holding her arms straight out on either side, and she hears Carter's muffled laugh before she steps closer, her hand steady at Madison's waist.

"You need me to hold you up?" Carter says, and Madison lays her arm on top of Carter's.

"Probably. Can I have a hug first?"

Taking another step in, without hesitation, Carter wraps her arms around Madison the way she always has, with her whole heart. Madison is drunk enough to hug her just as tight back, drunk enough to hold on far longer than manners dictate, to drink in the moment—the way Carter squeezes her like she'll never let go, like she'd never want to, the way she presses her cheek to Madison's hair, and the fact that she doesn't try to let go until Madison does.

Which she does before too long because she's not _that_ drunk, she'll never ever be _that_ drunk. Carter doesn't step back, just reaching up to tuck her hair behind her ears before offering her arm to Madison, linking them securely before they start the walk back to the party.

Back to Bird and Crash.

Back to the way things are now.


End file.
